Does disregarding children make us childish?

Adults Behaving Badly, by Gabriel.

If I have to read any more stories about kids kicking airplane seats, or that time someone’s meal was ruined, or the jerky parent that let their kid run wild like a monkey, I might Elvis my laptop screen. I don’t want to read yet more blogs from traitorous parents, who scold other parents, in order to demonstrate their superior skills. I’m onto their game.

This whining chatter is simply further proof that, as a country, we know very little about–and are prejudiced against–children.

In aggregate, the American attitude toward kids seems to be that they are a nuisance to be endured, rather than an integral part of our community that deserves to be supported.

For example, we:

• Have no paid maternity and paternity leave
• Don’t accommodate their physical or developmental needs in almost any of our public spaces (IKEA, anyone?)
• Get angry when children can’t perform to social standards that are not based on realistic expectations in the first place (You know who else is kicking your airplane seat? Everyone, because the seats are too close together.)
• Severely underpay almost  every profession that works with children
• Squirm at the sight of a child being breastfed in public
• Sexualize them (Ever been in the kids section of a Halloween store? Save yourself the nausea.)

So many people are uncomfortable around kids, that we segregate them, even when it’s inappropriate to do so. Sure, they’re noisy. And they have sticky jam-hands. But we were all children once, too. To exclude a whole group of people from activities and public venues because we don’t like them, or because some of them misbehave–that’s discrimination.

I went to a Tony Bennett concert recently, and a wealthy, overly-perfumed drunkard (sorry, wine aficionado) next to me spent the entire concert singing out loud. Should I have gone on Facebook the next day calling for a ban on WASPY 50-year-old women at outdoor concerts?

I’m not advocating that children have access to every adult space. But because we are so terrified of what kids might do before they’ve even done it, the list of adult-only places seems to be growing. They are persona non grata at weddings, which used to be community-building gatherings for friends and family. Any restaurant better than an Applebee’s? That’s a no go. I even had a library patron once tell me my daughter (who wasn’t making a peep) shouldn’t be in the adult section with me. “They have their own section,” she said, standing three feet back, like she’d catch something.

Parents–myself included–bear some of the blame. We’ve become so paranoid about everything from “stranger danger” to making a scene, that we’ve isolated our kids from their own society. That becomes a Catch-22, in which kids and adults don’t interact much on a personal level, and thus can’t learn how to relate to one another.

Still, I can’t help but think that part of the reason we struggle to deal with kids, is  because we are a country that is so–childish. Kids don’t care about all those deadlines we’re trying to meet, and their needs often get in the way of the meaningful, important stuff we are doing in any given moment–like Cosplay, or our dodgeball league. So, we throw a tantrum.

I decided to practice what I’m preaching, so I included my 9-year-old in this discussion. I asked him: How do you think adults feel about kids?

“Adults care about their own kids a lot, but not other people’s. I don’t think adults respect kids much. They’ve got their own problems to deal with. They think we’re ignorant.” He actually thanked me, and said it felt nice to be asked his opinion.

Yikes.

There have been so many people who have been kind and generous with my kids, and I believe people are well-meaning. So, maybe it’s as simple as changing how we engage with each other. Next time you’re around a kid (that’s not your own, if you’re a parent), ask them what they’re up to. Or even for their opinion about something.  You might be surprised by their answer, and by how touched they are that you care.

I think kids are thirsty to be a meaningful, contributing part of this society. Are we too narcissistic to care, or can we make room for them–inconveniences and all?